Author: Ankita Konwar, Marathoner and Fitness enthusiast
Model and fitness influencer Ankita Konwar, married to model-actor Milind Soman, has never shied away from voicing her opinions on taboos and social stigmas, and her social media posts are all about self-acceptance and self-love.
Recently, Konwar shared the trauma she’s been through as an abused child, and the judgements she’s been subjected to for her looks and choices in life.
Image Credit: Ankita Konwar, Instagram
In an exclusive with iDiva, Konwar shares the turmoil she underwent during her childhood, how it affected her mental health and her battle with it.
Ankita shares the trauma that scarred her childhood
Image Credit: Ankita Konwar, Instagram
“My childhood was superbly colourful but it also had its dark spots. I was molested as a child by a family member. Of course, I didn’t understand anything as a child and it only hit me in my teens when I started learning about my body.
My teen years were filled with turmoil as I didn’t know how to express that trauma. It hindered my education, my overall wellness, my relationships with friends and family alike.
Her journey on the path of healing
Image Credit: Ankita Konwar, Instagram
My mental health was in shambles and I didn’t even know about it. And I experienced how mental health evidently influences our physical health. I started blaming myself, I started to hate my body and did anything to hurt it. I learnt that self-inflicted pain is something very common in the victims of child sexual abuse.
There was a part of me that wanted to cry and share everything with the family, but a part of me felt scared to do so thinking no one would understand me if I did. I started feeling disassociated with my body. It was only music that helped me keep my sanity.
Image Credit: Ankita Konwar, Instagram
But, one day, I gathered the courage to tell my elder sister and it took me one step closer to the path of healing. As time passed I started reading about mental health and became more aware of my actual self.
The journey from hating my body and treating it every worse way possible to loving it unconditionally has been a long one. It required a lot of courage, awareness, soul searching and help from people around me. What I have realised is that the first step of healing is to gather the courage to ask for help.
Love every ounce of your existence
Image Credit: Ankita Konwar, Instagram
It’s okay if no one understands you. YOU need to understand yourself and if that requires professional help, you must get it. I know getting professional help is not as easy as it sounds.
Sometimes there’s a lack of resources in finding professional help but nowadays so many helplines, NGOs are available to help you with that. Self love is a long journey for any trauma victim. Courage and self awareness are two strong wheels of that journey.
Image Credit: Ankita Konwar, Instagram
Our lives are usually based on everything we do as a child but it doesn’t have to stay that way forever. We must actively bring the change we want in our lives. Your past has as much importance in your life as you allow it to have.
Love yourself so much that your scars (literally in my case) look like the medals you have earned from each battle. What doesn’t kill you doesn’t always make you stronger, it first breaks you into tiny puzzle pieces, and you gotta invest a lot of time in yourself to put all of it together. The key is to love yourself, with warts and all.”
Lead Image Credit: Ankita Konwar, Instagram
