We all talk to ourselves in our heads. A whole hit Netflix show has been based around a person’s inner monologues. Can you guess which show that is? Yes, it’s You featuring Gossip Girl’s Penn Badgley as the lead character whose inner life we are all privy to.
But if you observe your self-talk, many times it is so negative. Think about it. Have you ever worn a dress and then judged yourself in the mirror thinking your thighs are too big? Have you applied for a job and immediately thought to yourself that you’re way too underqualified for it? Ever given a speech or presentation where you later beat yourself up over how you stumbled a tiny bit in the beginning? Been ghosted by a guy just to end up blaming yourself for being too pushy or clingy?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, you’re indulging in negative self-talk. And it’s obviously not good for you. It holds you back in more ways than one. Women are especially prone towards talking down at their own selves.
But, as a friend once said on Twitter, “For every job a woman doubts herself over, there’s already an under-qualified man interviewing for it.” I’m not just being sexist. Research actually shows that men are much kinder to themselves, even to the point of overestimating their abilities.
How should we women get past all this negative-self talk?
Treat yourself like your best friend
Image Credit: YouTube/MsMojo
Would you ever tell your best friend that she is not worthy of a job or that she is looking fat in her jeans? Obviously not. So don’t do it to yourself either. Once you find yourself doing that, consciously stop and force yourself to think about something more positive. The more aware you are that you are trash talking yourself, the more likely you are to stop it.
Stop comparing yourself to others
Instagram is a great tool to stay connected with trends and your friends’ lives but it can also be bad for your mental health. Studies show that people who spend too much time on social media are more likely to be clinically depressed.
People only put up the best of their lives on Instagram. They wouldn’t be filming or taking pictures of themselves having explosive diarrhoea or being yelled at by their boss. So don’t get fooled into thinking that their lives are better than yours. When you find yourself comparing your life to those you see on Instagram, put down that phone immediately and go do something else.
We’re not saying that you should start being in complete denial of your shortcomings; that’s the other end of the spectrum. We’re just saying that you need to be more aware of your thoughts. Negative self-talk is a natural thing to do but if it gets excessive, it should be mindfully stopped.
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