“Hi, do you know my neighbour’s aunt’s friend’s daughter lost weight because she drank hot water after every meal…”
Ugggh…! If I had a rupee for every time someone came up to me with unsolicited advice on how to lose weight, I would own 10 of my own gyms! Going up to fat people and commenting on their weight all under the pretence of “being concerned about their health” has become a legit thing, and as a plus-sized person let me tell you one thing: NO ONE CARES!
Living with a fat body can be tough–and I am not even talking about the health aspect here. Just the fact that everyone conveniently forgets everything about your personality except for your fat, and then proceeds to compliment, diss or sometimes worry about it, is not just annoying, it is downright respectful.
As someone who lives with this on a daily basis, I’ve decided to put together a friendly guide that’ll help you talk to fat, or a plus-sized person without concentrating on their weight. Maybe you don’t know how insulting your “concern” about our weight is or maybe you are just plain stupid… in any case, just take a look at this guide, bookmark it, and the next time you meet a fat person, resist the urge to say, “Hi, you’ve put on weight”. Do better!
#1. Don’t say: ‘Hey, you’ve put on weight!’
Okay, so contrary to what you believe, we actually have a mirror at home and we KNOW exactly how we look. So resist the urge to be Captain Obvious and maybe talk about how your day has been super hectic/fun instead.
Instead say: “Hi, how have you been?”
#2. Don’t say: “OMG I didn’t know you have a thyroid problem”
Like seriously express anything instead of this pretentious concern that you portray for people and their “health”. You know it is possible for “thin people” to be unwell too. Actually, people, irrespective of their size, colour, and culture can fall sick. So, keep that concern to yourself, and talk about something else–like the weather.
Instead say: “OMG it’s so hot outside.”
#3. Don’t say: “Wow you have become fatter than your mom/!”
You don’t need to draw up a fat versus thin chart. Behave like a decent human for once, and stop obsessing over our weight. Eat your pav bhaji instead!
Instead say: “Wow your looks really nice.”
#4. Don’t say: “Wow are you sure you want to eat two jalebis?”
Seriously if you are going to be food shaming you don’t need to be here. I once had a random friend of a friend of a friend come up to me and convince me to swap my Coke for water and lose some weight. Ugh boy, can I dump the Coke on your head instead?
Instead say: “Wow the jalebis are yummy”, and quietly move to a corner.
#5. Don’t say: “Wow this dress hides your fat so well”
A colleague of a colleague was once, in an edit meeting, asked, “Yaar tumhe apne size ke kapde kaha se milte hai? Batao na, I am so curious”. You don’t need me to tell you how incredibly insulting, frustrating, and stupid that question is. If you like my fashion choices, you are free to compliment them but you don’t need to get into the nitty-gritty of where I shop from, and how I find my size. (If you, however, are looking for some options, check these out.)
Instead say: “Wow I love your dress!”
#6. Don’t say: “Hey are you pregnant?”
Ya, I have a burger belly and I am proud of it!
Instead say: Nothing! Trust me, it’s for the best.
#7. Don’t say: “My neighbour’s aunt’s friend’s daughter lost weight because she stood on one leg and drank hot water at 3 am”
Seriously the mumbo jumbo about you, or people you know who lost weight holds no interest for me. If I do want to know how to do that, I’ll turn to my trusted friend, the internet, rather than hear stories about people going on green tea diets and losing all their weight along with their will to live!
Instead say: “I am leaving. It was nice catching up with you.”
FIN
