Yoga is something I have previously done only once in my life. It was in my second year of college, when my friend forced me to go along with her. It helped clear my skin, make me fitter, and fixed a lot of posture issues I had. Now, after several bouts of bad health, back problems, weight gain, and bad moods, I decided it was time to go back to yoga, and get my mind and body back on track. With exactly 24 hours to go before my first class, these are some emotions I am feeling, and I’m sure others about to start yoga classes will relate!
You feel like you’re about to become a detoxified, clean, unicorn.
Just the very knowledge that I will be starting yoga has made me feel like the world is going to be magically fixed, my mind is going to become sane and balanced, and I will be a bundle of rainbow-coloured happiness after doing three suryanamaskars and passing out with breathlessness.
You’re eagerly anticipating that just-had-sex glow.
One of the major reasons exercise is great is because the workout makes the skin sweat out toxins, smoothening it and making it glow. The beauty-obsessed girl in me is going crazy in anticipation of said natural highlight.
You’re worried you might fart while doing a difficult pose.
Let’s face it: our bowels have an unholy and gross amount of power over us, much the way Donald Trump has a gross amount of power over America. You don’t know when either are going to make a noise and embarrass the living daylight out of us.
You’re worried you might break something while doing a pose.
Being a person who hasn’t moved a muscle in the past 124 months, and as generally the laziest person on average in a room, the fear of injuring myself and permanently damaging my body is very real.
You’re worried you won’t even be able to do any poses because you’re as flexible as a rock.
Thinking about breaking limbs and tearing ligaments automatically brings an anxiety-ridden mind like mine to the thought that I am not even flexible enough to do a pose that would injure me. Clearly, being the only one who sits there looking stiff and ridiculous is more embarrassing.
You make a list of problems to request your yoga teacher to cure.
From backaches to depression to bad posture to insomnia to a pot belly-there are numerous things I would like yoga to cure. Perpetually thinking about all these problems that I need to list to my unfortunate tutor, then, is my new favourite thing to do.
You are no longer worried about drinking or ODing on junk food, because yoga cures all.
As a lazy human, I take any and every opportunity I can get to exempt myself from exercising self-control and behaving like a mature, grown woman. Yoga is the perfect excuse to feed myself two entire burgers and a large pack of fries, because, you know, I’m a yogini now, and I’m going to burn off the calories doing yoga.
You can’t wait for your boyfriend to see how flexible you’re going to get *wink wink*
Pop culture is always telling women how hot ballerinas, yoginis, and the like are, because they can twist their leg around their head and whatnot. Obviously, half the point of joining a yoga class is entering this league of extraordinarily flexible women.
