Women are often held up to unrealistic body standards, and sometimes, this begins at home. An odd remark by your mother on your dress size, or a comment by your grandmother, just when you are settling down to have a meal. These aren’t isolated incidents, which is why, we decided to speak to women who have been in similar situations. Here’s what they had to say.
“I have learned to ignore”
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“As someone who has always been skinny and slightly underweight, I never had any issues with my body. However, when I got diagnosed with PCOD, my weight gain became evident. My health-conscious mother would comment on it, especially on the areas around my hips and thighs. It has led me to be conscious about that area and I started opting for looser silhouettes to conceal it. The criticism impacted the way I shop, the way I sit. But I have learned to ignore her jibes and just go on with my life to maintain my peace of mind.”
-Anonymous, Bengaluru, 30
“I stood up for myself”
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“I have always been an overweight child, which means that family gatherings were a nightmare. All my aunties and uncles would subtly comment on my weight and ask my parents if they have enrolled me for a gym class. My parents, while they didn’t body-shame me at home, would just smile and change the topic in order to keep the peace. My cousins, following the lead of their parents, would bully me for not being as skinny as them.
In the end, I completely stopped attending any family functions because I was too conscious of my appearance. Over the years, through therapy, I have been able to have a positive approach towards my body. Last year, at a party, I straight up gave it back to my uncle who had started to body-shame me. Since then, people leave me alone at family gatherings. Win!”
-Anusha (name changed on request), Software Engineer, Mumbai, 25
“I left my family home”
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“I was around 12-13 years old when I started menstruating. Although I wasn’t a chubby child, I started gaining weight after getting my periods. In the ensuing years, my grandmother, who lives with us, would constantly point out that no one would marry me if I didn’t lose weight. I was a teenager who was already dealing with a lot of physical, mental, and emotional changes and her comments made me hate my body even more. Eventually, moving out of the family home helped me slowly and steadily change my perspective towards my body.”
-Anonymous, Chandigarh, 28
“I changed my relationship with food and myself”
“My sister is skinny whereas I am fat. You can imagine the comparisons that would happen in such a scenario. While she was praised for having a good appetite, I was berated for even the smallest of indulgences. As a teenager and a young adult, I used to be frustrated with the situation and hated my sister. Eventually, in my 30s, I finally learned to change my relationship with food and myself. Therapy and a couple of good friends helped me look at food as nutrition, and at myself as a perfectly fine human being. It still hurts sometimes but just not as much as it used to once upon a time.”
-Sandhya, Artist, Delhi, 37
“I overcame it like women in patriarchal households do. With age.”
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“I do not remember a day when my breast size wasn’t an issue in my household. Every time we had to go out as a family, my outfit would be scrutinised and policed. Suggestions to wear something more loose and ‘comfortable’ would be passed to me via my mother in hushed voices.
I hated it. I hated going out. I internalised it so much that while shopping, I wouldn’t look at anything that wasn’t at least three sizes bigger than my normal size.
I overcame it like women in patriarchal households do. With age. I got tired of being angry over something that wasn’t in my control and that I had to live with. I started wearing clothes my size slowly, and started parroting a sentence to my parents every time there was an issue: ‘My breasts don’t look big, they are big. I would appreciate it if they weren’t sexualised unnecessarily.’ It probably wasn’t body-shaming, but their way of protecting me from being stared at in public. But it was my job to not take responsibility for the actions of strangers.
One day I will completely free myself of the consciousness women with big breasts internalise. For now, clothes my size are my liberation.”
-Manya Lohita Ahuja, Writer, Delhi, 25
Do you remember any such incidents that impacted you? We’d love to hear your stories.
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