The office of Bombay Dost (Humsafar Trust) itself beats all stereotypes. I entered the third floor office situated in Vakola (Mumbai), to see a huge crowd of transgenders waiting outside the Humsafar Trust clinic. A receptionist took me through the office, via another room into the office of Bombay Dost. The magazine has been in the news recently for having completed 25 years of being in print, and being the first Indian gay magazine of its kind, but the energy inside is just like a regular magazine. Oblivious to the attention, the staff were busy typing away, rushing to meet a deadline. I felt quite at home.
I was guided to a small cabin on the side where I met Pallav Patankar, the Director of Programs at Humsafar Trust. Dressed in a comfortable shirt, with headphones plugged in, Pallav seemed quite relaxed. I geared up for a fun interview. And I wasn’t disappointed.
Starting off by describing his first brush with the magazine, Pallav’s journey, like many others at Bombay Dost and Humsafar Trust, is closely knitted with his own personal life. “I first came across Bombay Dost in 1992, when I was 18 years old and highly confused about my sexuality. This was a time when gay relationships weren’t talked about at all and there was no Internet where you could Google and check if you were ‘normal’. I remember sitting in these reference libraries of Xavier’s and going through psychology books, which back then listed homosexuality as a disease (it was only recently that things got rectified). I used to also read sex columns in all magazines to figure out where things stood for me, and in a column in Debonair, I came across a question on homosexuality and it was there that I first read about Bombay Dost. They suggested getting hold of that magazine from this place called Veena Beena shopping complex opposite Bandra station. So I got together all of my courage and got this magazine which was for about Rs.20. I asked the lady for the magazine and she handed me this brown coloured envelope in which the magazine was hidden because people were too scared to even be seen with a magazine on homosexuality.”
“There was a Post Box number in the magazine that you could write to, addressing your problem. I remember the first time I wrote to them I was so scared that I didn’t even give a phone number or an address. I thought that people would somehow track me and then harass me for being gay. The second time I gave my landline number with a footnote stating that I stay with my mother and if a woman answers, just hang up. I got a call from Sohail, one of the founders of Bombay Dost who then asked me to come and meet him at Gokul, which was a bar behind Taj in Colaba.”
As an Indian boy who was not even 18, bars were as unknown to Pallav as being gay. “I had never entered a bar. It was a culture shock for me then to be in a bar itself,” he tells me with a chuckle.
“I met Sohail and once I turned 18, I joined Bombay Dost as a volunteer. I wouldn’t write for them, but I would help kids and teenagers like me, discover their sexuality and come to terms with it. When you are a kid, growing up in the 90s, where homosexuality is not talked about, all you want to know is that you are not a freak. It isn’t about the sex, or being in a relationship, rather just knowing that you are not alone, and you are completely normal.”
Pallav’s work as a volunteer was about working with kids who like him were scared and confused. Being gay in India in the 90s was almost like being a ‘freak of sorts’.
“As a volunteer I helped such kids. We spoke about things like marriage, talking to your parents, having a relationship. These were things that Bombay Dost was addressing in itself and such talks helped their cause.”
When Bombay Dost was first published, Ashok Rowkavi, the founding editor of the magazine was sure of one thing. “We didn’t want to be an elitist gay magazine catering to only a certain crowd of people. We didn’t want to be a copy of the US gay scene, we were very Indian at our roots. In fact, the first few issues of Bombay Dost also had letters in Hindi catering to a non-English speaking audience,” Pallav explains.
So while the magazine continued the traditional columns of dating, celebrities and fashion, there was also a whole new discussion of sorts on ethics, something that no one was doing back then. “More than 50 to 60 per cent of gay men in India were married to women. From the rich class to the slum areas and villages, we had to work on addressing and sensitising them towards the issue of women’s rights.”
While being pressurised to get married remains one of the biggest concerns in the gay community, Pallav also points out the fact that they have to also adhere to the Indian culture of taking care of your parents. “As a single unmarried man or woman in India, we were talking about taking care of our parents. Normally in India, single men and women cannot abandon their parents. The married ones can move out with their partner and children but single children had to become caregivers to their parents. We had to talk about taking care of our parents and still having our own relationship. It was a common thing back then to portray your partner as your ‘business partner’. We also had to think of managing finances when we got older because we won’t have kids to depend on.”
Another thing that took center stage was men’s health. “No one knew where to go if they had any health issues. Like an anal tear after sex or having an HIV test done; no one wanted to go to their regular doctor for fear of being judged. Also people in the health sector sort of assumed that HIV – which was a major deal in 90s – was just a gay problem. So Ashok’s main concern was to sensitise lawyers, government officials and doctors towards homosexuality. We needed to tell the government that most gay men are married, so the HIV problem is pretty much affecting everyone.”
It was these health concerns that everyone was ignoring that gave birth to the Humsafar Trust, and also lead to a hiatus for Bombay Dost. “In 1994, we realised that this was a much bigger issue and we, with our limited volunteer time, sort of gave a rest to the magazine and started with the clinic. The idea was to have a space where people could come to us without the fear of being ridiculed or judged. We tried to identify people around us who could be sensitised to the issue of homosexuality and give people proper advice and treatment. The funny bit is when Humsafar was born, the government was very reluctant to have something that catered to the gay audience (we were busy pretending that homosexuality was a western problem). So Humsafar started out as a male (not gay) sexual health space; a tag that we are still stuck with.”
With over two decades of work, how has Humsafar Trust changed it strategy, we wonder? “While we have the Internet and the gay prides that have made people more aware and sensitive towards homosexuality we still have a lot to do. One of the few things in the pipeline today is sensitising teachers towards homosexuality. We can’t talk to kids under 18 about homosexuality so we are doing the next best thing, talking to teachers. I recently went for a seminar at Mumbai University where I interacted with teachers about homosexuality. There were so many teachers who could relate to it in the sense that they had many students who fit into this confused, scared, experimenting norm.”
The sensitising, according to Pallav, is our biggest stepping stone. While we may have become more acceptant towards the LGBT community, we are yet to free our concept of typical stereotypes. “Back when I was a teenager and when I realised I was gay, I had to convince myself that I could still be an engineer and a doctor and I didn’t necessarily have to be a make up artist or a designer. I had to work towards convincing myself that my sexuality in no way affected my abilities. And that’s exactly what I want these teachers to convey to their students,” he says.
Another thing that according to Pallav is a big issue in 2015 is political awareness amidst the LGBT community. “Unlike in the west, we are a multi-party society. So we don’t generally have one set of party that is working for the betterment of the community simply because gay men and lesbian women themselves are not one when it comes to political support. We need to get in political consciousness so that political parties also get more aware about our rights.”
Looking back on the seven years of being in print, Pallav feels that from being a place to find dates, to today having contemporary discussions, the magazine and the people have come a long way.
When Bombay Dost started post its hiatus in 2009, everything had changed. With the Internet coming in, and people starting to talk about gay relationships, things were on a positive high. “I remember the dating scene back in the 90s. This was before you had your chat rooms and dating apps and you had to rely on hanging out at the ‘cruising’ locations and follow someone with those shifty ‘I have seen you somewhere’ and ‘Do you have a light’ lines. Another thing that was big back then was blackmail. It happens even today, because of the prejudices in society, but it’s far lesser now.”
So what really brought about the change for the community? “I think the change really came in when we had Indians travelling abroad and foreigners coming to India. It opened up our minds and people realised that to progress you have to be open to live and let live. You don’t really need to accept everything but you need to let others live without judging them.”
The change in society reflected on Bombay Dost, making it more contemporary in terms of content. “Bombay Dost today is more like a statement. From the brown paper bag sale today, people are willing to pick the magazine, put it in their studios and show their support towards the gay community whether or not they are homosexuals themselves. My sister for that matter is more than happy to put the magazine in her library and tell people that she stands for homosexuality.”
The Humsafar Trust Team
Back then, Bombay Dost also made almost next to nothing in term of sales. “People were putting in their own money and honestly, no one wanted to buy a copy. No one wanted to be seen with a gay magazine and our sales strategy was quite limited. It was funny in fact to see that when you go into the grey markets where people sold porn, Bombay Dost was being retailed at Rs.200 but we were just sticking to stocking it at Veena Beena Shopping Center at a very nominal rate.”
“When we re-launched in 2009, we got Celina Jaitley to be on our cover. India Shining had happened, so people were okay with shelling our Rs.150 for a glossy. Our printing technology was better and our content became far more contemporary. We were no longer counting on the dating column, rather politics and policies that would bring about great change.”
One thing that worked for Bombay Dost post its re-launch was having celebrities on its cover. “It sends out the message that we have a far greater support to our cause. Today, there is far greater acceptance and awareness in the society. I don’t rally for gay men to be allowed to kiss openly on the streets or anything so drastic. I want a change to happen, while keeping in with the Indian sensibilities. One thing that keeps us going is the knowledge that the fight is going somewhere. The US had its own battle to reach where it is today, and we are on the same path,” he signs off.
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