First let me tell you something about myself, I am gay! Like your son, I also like men and I know you have a problem accepting this. We understand that you cannot digest the idea of homosexuality being natural, in your opinion it is a disease. I don’t know if you would be glad to know that homosexuality has been removed from the list of diseases by the psychiatric associations in America and in India too! It has been listed as a “normal” orientation and not a “deviation”.
More than your son, you seem to be in discomfort about his sexuality, maybe we are barking the wrong tree, maybe you are the one who needs to be treated. As on the other hand a study done by National Institute of Mental Health states “incest rape is an act done by individuals who have suppressed psychological disorders and the act of rape leaves a long term trauma on the victim which is very difficult to overcome considering the most trusted ones inflicted pain and suffering”
As per my understanding, you believe that by having sex with you he will grow up to be a heterosexual man? Imagine, there is heterosexuality all around him. His parents, friends, marriage, divorce, haldi kumkum… all of it is heterosexual. He has enough and more examples to be influenced to be heterosexual. Did you ever think, why would anyone choose a life where he would have to prove his sexuality to people? Why would he opt for a life to face opposition from family and friends and sometimes also risk his life, when the easier option is to just get married to a woman? Well, he did not choose. He didn’t make any “choice” in being GAY. No one “chooses” to be of GAY orientation.
Your gay son was not ill or diseased but by raping him you have caused enough turbulence in his mind and body. He has to fight out the incident from his memory or fake forever that he will be okay with it. It will take him years or maybe his whole lifetime to come to terms. Just for your information, what you did is a crime. Though by the Indian law you can’t be booked for rape (according to IPC 375 and 376 only men can rape) you can surely be prosecuted for battery, confinement and force.
My mother knows that I am gay and believe it or not but she actually did put up a matrimonial ad to find me a partner. I am not the only gay person, but surely the most shamelessly loudest.
And as for you son… who went through this ordeal; if you are reading this, I want you to know that this has happened, I know. And I know that you can’t forget it. Maybe, you should not try forgetting it. There will be a time when you can let this be where it belongs – in the past. Maybe, you could acknowledge that it lies there, and not be affected by this. I know it is difficult. I have been raped too. The ebb of silence that you hear roaring in the by lanes of your mind, I know. I know. I know it all. It is a familiar place. I know. So, allow me, to hold you today. Allow me to hug you so close that your silence and my silence could kill the violence that resounds itself. We can get past this. I am reachable on harish.iyer@hotmail.com . You could speak to me, anytime in the evening. And I promise, we will not speak about this again, unless you speak about it, I will listen. Listen to the sound of silence.
This article first appeared on WYO.
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