We all woke up to the news of discovery of eight planets including two new Earth-like planets. The scientists community, I suppose is buzzing with excitement at the ramifications of such a discovery. This is also the kind of news that is likely to put another professional community into a state of excitement – the astrologers, the godmen and sometimes both. One could only suppose of the wide possibilities of predictions the godmen could give with eight additional planets in their kitty (I can imagine my mother getting frenzied at the thought of this.)
We Indians are no strangers to the effects of interplanetary movements. Bungled exams, botched job interviews, jilted love, love marriages – they are all attributed to the ill effects of Mars or Saturn sitting in our house.
Armed with extra planets, our godmen now have eight additional reasons to charge a higher fee. The list of ill-effects that one may suffer will now grow to include the influence of new planets. Janam kundlis (birth horoscopes) would change. Take a look at the kind of news stories this chaotic change in kundlis would result in.
THE VEDIC TIMES
“Reports are coming in from across the country that married couples everywhere have suddenly started quarreling overnight because their horoscopes no longer match. According to our on-field correspondents, this is true even for couples happily married for 20 years. In Ambala, a 52 year old woman has been accused of hitting her husband with a rolling pin. Reports say that……”
THE DAILY KUNDLI
“Prime Minister Modi’s Achche Din has suddenly run into trouble. Due to interplanetary changes calculated by the addition of new planets, what the minister thought were Achche Din actually turned out to be days where mangal and shani sit heavily on him. According to sources in the government, he has sought emergency appointment with his astrologer to see when Achche Din would really begin. Meanwhile, the public too continues to patiently wait for the arrival of Achche Din.”
BOLLYWOOD KI BHAVISHYAVANI
In the light of a new kundli, Bollywood actress Aishwarya Rai has been told that perhaps she need not have married and divorced a tree first to deal with her manglikness. Although some sources say she still ended up marrying a tree for the second time. Meanwhile, the temple priest has reported that the tree is happy to have gotten the best deal in the whole affair. “The tree got some awesome publicity and women have been thronging here ever since,” said the priest. “We now have enough red string to start a woolens export business and the tree is happy to be still single!”
KYA AAPKI KUNDLI MEIN HAIN DUM
Producer Ektaa Kapoor got frantic calls today morning from her astrologer, iPat Baba, stating that it was mistake to add an extra ‘a’ to her movie names to improve their box office fortune. According to her new kundli, she now needs to add five additional ‘a’s to her own name…Ektaaaaa. This piece of news has left tabloid editors scratching their heads on how to now fit her new name in a headline for a single column story.”
AalIzzWell.com
“In a miraculous turn of events, the public has suddenly stopped boycotting the film, PK and it seems NOBODY has a problem with his movie. Astrologers report that the movie was so far experiencing some heavy shani. But with changed planetary charts, Raj Kumar Hirani’s kundli too has changed and the mangal that they thought was sitting in his third house has actually been sitting in the ninth house. Behaviours underwent a sea change overnight even as this new piece of information came pouring in.”
