Mayank Kalra and Sougata Basu’s story is about the all-consuming kind of love we long for. From the novelty of first love to experiencing the joy of starting a family, the couple has been privy to many heartwarming firsts together.
For iDiva’s Free Love campaign, the couple talk about how they found the liberty to live their truths by being with each other, the unparalleled happiness of attaining parenthood, and living their dreamy ‘forever’.
Destined to end up together
Having found each other in September 2012, Mayank and Sougata connected on a gay dating website, Planet Romeo. What started as a ‘few days of living together’ blossomed into ‘forever’.
Sougata beamed, “I used to work and live in Bangalore then, and Mayank had just moved to Bangalore with his first job. Incidentally, his office was close to where I lived and he was looking for an accommodation near his office. That’s when I suggested that he can come and stay with me for a few days and we can look for a new place for him together. Actually, we did look for a few places together, too. Few days became a few weeks and then a few months, and rest, as they say, is history.”
“We first met on 24th November 2012, and from that day itself, we started living together… destined to be together,” he added.
Finding the strength in each other to live their truth
Mayank and Sougata found more than just love in each other. They found the strength to come out of the closets in front of their parents, families and friends, and to live their truths with nothing but pride.
The couple said, “Our relationship made us accept ourselves in a much stronger manner. Today, we are totally proud of who we are, and we have got this relationship of ours to thank for that. Our relationship has liberated us from the weight of living a dual life. It has brought us out to our parents, family and friends. It has brought us out of our closets.”
Saugata also added, “For both of us, this is our first and only relationship. We love every bit of our relationship. Even our fights.”
On the most ridiculous myths & qualms people have about queer relationships
Credits: Sougata Basu & Mayank Kalra
Talking about dealing with people who are yet to adapt the idea of queer couples and parents, Mayank and Sougata said, “While relationship dynamics are unique, it’s difficult and incorrect to generalise them. But many think that queer relationships are trivial and frivolous, and are based much more on physical needs than emotional. There is a belief that queer people are commitment phobics. This is definitely not true. There are so many beautiful couples we know who are so committed, so much in love!”
They added, “The more acceptance that society and judiciary give us, there will be many more same sex couples who will come forward and have committed relationships. Today, many shy away from it (even if they want that), believing that there cannot be any future, so why get into it!”
“Samjho toh welcome, nahi toh bheed kamm”
The couple believes in being patient and giving time to people to understand them.
Mayank and Sougata said, “We live our lives with utmost honesty and we don’t hide anything, because we are actually very proud of our life choices. Our parents, family and friends have accepted us and love us unconditionally, so we actually do not have much to worry about. When we come across someone who finds it odd and if that person matters to us, we make concerted efforts to make him/her understand. We are patient with them and give them the time to understand our lives.”
“For those who do not matter to us, we don’t fret beyond a point. As my Insta handle says, ‘Samjho toh welcome, nahi toh bheed kamm’. It’s a journey for most. We took years to understand our own selves. I’m sure the ones who do not understand us will surely do so someday.”
On other queer couples who are trying to navigate their romantic lives
Credits: Sougata Basu & Mayank Kalra
Giving advice to others who are reluctant to live their truth, Mayank and Sougata said, “Be proud of your relationship. Because when you are proud, it shows and it shuts many mouths out there. Be humble because when you are humble, you give others a fair chance to understand your story. Be you because when you are genuine, you can always isolate the real people from the fake ones. And finally, be madly in love because when you are in love, you can win over everyone and everything.”
On expanding their family by welcoming little bundles of joy
Credits: Sougata Basu & Mayank Kalra
As they always wanted to be fathers, Mayank and Sougata opted for surrogacy and welcomed two babies in June 2021 before the surrogacy laws became restrictive for homosexual couples in December 2021.
The couple said, “During the first lockdown, we realised how fragile life is and how foolish it is for people to push back their desires. During the same time, our parents too supported us in this decision of ours, which made it easier for us. We came to know that the surrogacy law of India was about to get changed and if we wanted to become fathers through surrogacy, that was the time. We opted for surrogacy and became parents in June 2021. Sadly, the surrogacy laws changed in Dec 2021, allowing surrogacy only to infertile heterosexual couples.”
“We have a lot of gratitude and hope it comes back in the form of love & acceptance”
Credits: Sougata Basu & Mayank Kalra
Narrating about the transition from being just a couple to fathers now, Mayank and Sougata hold plenty of gratitude for the privilege they were able to seek by attaining parenthood. And they hope that it comes back in the form of more acceptance for their family.
They added, “Life has changed beautifully. Today we are calmer, more patient, more giving than we were before. Our lives revolve around our babies. We also acknowledge that we are blessed in many ways, and hence, we give a lot of gratitude and positive vibes out to the universe and hope that it comes back to our family in the form of more love, more acceptance and blessings.”
Advice to same-sex couples who want to become parents
Mayank and Sougata believe, “Go for it. It’s the most beautiful thing that can happen to any couple. Look up the possibilities and all the ways and just go ahead.”
Social and lead images credits: Sougata Basu & Mayank Kalra
