When I was 16, I needed everything in my life to fit neatly into boxes. I wanted to know where I am going to go to college and it seemed pertinent for me to map out everything that is going to happen in the future. Obviously, all those plans fell apart, but the lesson I learned was critical.
You don’t need to have your whole life planned out.
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When we are younger, we are expected to somehow know the trajectory of our lives. A lot of us are pressured into planning and re-planning out futures as very young children. That is the legacy of the Indian society that we have to live with, sadly.
It is not only a regional or Indian thing. The whole world expects us to know our future and to take the steps to ‘make the best’ out of what we have. Planning and thinking about what is in front of us is important, of course, but not at the cost of mental health and wellbeing.
Choosing a stream in class 10, a college and field in class 12, and a major in 3rd year of college—all these institutions work towards hurrying up a decision-making process that should be given a lot of time and thought.
It’s okay to take life one step at a time.
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If I could go back to when I was 15 or 18 or 25, I would tell myself that it is okay to not have it all figured out. I spent a lot of mental and social energy trying to fit my real life into the plans I had made for myself on paper. Life is seldom that simple.
There are always ups and downs that come with living in the real world. We have to be prepared for things that are out of our control. The pandemic has been one of the best examples of, ‘sometimes, life just doesn’t go the way you plan it.’
Being ready for anything that life throws your way is one thing, and forming rigid plans is another. The more unyielding your life map is, the more brittle it becomes with age. It’s only over a long time that I’ve learnt to be more flexible, not only in planning but also thinking. That way we can accept more things.
It’s okay to take a step away from hustle culture.
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As I open social media, I am greeted by clickbait-y posts with headlines that scream, “I moved out of my parent’s house at 16 and earn 1 lakh per day, so can you!” The ‘hustle culture’ that we live in in the 21st century might be a big reason behind the rise in mental health problems.
The world we live in right now prioritises incessant action over reflection and time to rest and recuperate. People are expected to be successful by the time they’re out of college, and social media and popular culture expects us to do that by working our asses off.
Working hard is one thing, working until you drop dead is another. Sadly, the work culture that is prevalent right now is teetering towards the latter. The words ‘hustle’ and ‘grind’ have entered every vocabulary, but maybe it’s okay to not always be on the edge.
Wait for the right time and the right circumstances.
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To millennials, age is not just a number. It is a marker for achievement, be it academic or professional. For me, 25 was the upper limit of success. I wanted to have a stable job, a career, and be settled in life by the time my mid-20s rolled in.
With the pandemic, economy, job and other crises that have rocked the world in recent times, it’s not a surprise that I’m not where I thought I would be. When you are 15, 25 seems like a huge number, but as you grow older, the immensity of ‘25’ becomes smaller.
At 20, 25 is too young, at 23, 25 is nothing, and at 24, you’re finally standing at the doorstep of a quarter-life crisis wondering why the plans you made at 15 are not completed yet. It’s because you need more time to make memories, learn about life, and create experiences.
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There is no need to have everything figured out by 25. I learnt the lesson after years of agonising, sliding through mental health spectrums, and ‘hustling.’ Life is a process and it’s okay to slip and slide through your 20s. There’s a whole world waiting for you on the other side!
Social and lead image credit: Instagram/athiyashetty and Instagram/janhvikapoor
