Neena Gupta has led a rich and interesting life, and most of the stories translate very well into her autobiography. In her book Sach Kahun Toh, the actor talks about the ups and downs in her life—and there are many!
Her relationship with West Indies cricketer, Viv Richards, and her conception of Masaba Gupta, is a major part of her life. One of the titbits that she included in her autobiography is her journey through being a single pregnant woman in India in a time when people were not as accepting of unmarried mothers.
Image Credit: Instagram/neena_gupta
Neena Gupta had Masaba Gupta out of wedlock, as Richards refused to leave his family and wife for her, putting her in a tight spot in a conservative country. In her book, she reveals that her friend suggested that she get married to a gay man in Mumbai to avoid societal pressure and shame.
Her friend, Sujoy Mitra, had set her up with a homosexual banker in the city, who was also looking to avoid social gaze. In the book, she says that the arrangement would allow her to say that the child was his. However, he would not be a part of her or Masaba’s life.
“I laughed them off because I didn’t feel right about getting married just to avoid controversy. I knew I would have to answer very difficult questions. Being a public figure meant that our lives, mine and my child’s, would always be up for speculation. But I told myself I would cross that bridge when I come to it. Until then, I would hide behind loose clothes for as long as I could,” said the Bollywood actor.
Image Credit: Instagram/neena_gupta
Marriage to queer people to avoid social pressure is not a new or strange thing. There have been a lot of queer marriages where homosexual people of the opposite gender marry each other to avoid social judgement, and still live a life of freedom.
Neena’s friend suggesting that she get married before having a child might have been out of concern and kindness, but it reveals an uly side of indian society. The taboo of unmarried mothers as well as single mothers in India is very strong. Even after the country has made leaps and bounds in progress, single and unwed mothers are looked down upon in society.
Isn’t is strange that even now, women’s worth is calculated through their relationships with men. Fathers, brothers, husbands—women should not have to make their relationship status clear in order to be taken seriously in society!
Image Credit: Instagram/neena_gupta
This is not the only occasion in which Neena Gupta was offered marriage to avoid shame and embarrassment. Reminiscing another anecdote, she writes about director Satish Kaushik who offered to marry her as well.
According to her, he said, “Don’t worry, if the child is born with dark skin, you can just say it’s mine and we’ll get married. Nobody will suspect a thing.” While the sentiment might have been with her best interests at heart, the patriarchal tingle behind the words is unmissable.
Neena refused to marry any of these men and raised Masaba herself. The end result is a testament to the power and strength of single mothers. Now a successful fashion designer, Masaba Gupta is proof that there is nothing wrong with being an unmarried mother.
It is time India (and the world) stopped ostracising women for living their lives. Having sex and desire is not a criminal offence, and the idea of being ‘pure’ is truly outdated now. It is time that people realise purity is just a concept that is used to keep women in check.
Image Credit: Instagram/neena_gupta
The idea of Neena Gupta requiring a marriage before having a child was also just an attempt to imply ‘chastity.’ However, if we simply remove the idea of shame from chastity, it solves some of the problems.
One might argue that this was back in the ’80s and that the society has changed after all these years, but there are still pockets where women don’t have the freedom to live as they want to.
If we are to shake off the shackles of patriarchy, we have to start normalising simple things like sex, single mothershood, and unmarried women with children. Neena Gupta’s story about breaking stereotypes is not only a fun read, but also a great inspiration to all the women out there, struggling to live their lives with their heads held high!
Social and lead image credit: Instagram/masabagupta and Instagram/neena_gupta
