I don’t know about everyone else but as a woman growing up in a household witnessing an unhappy marriage, it has led me to become incessantly fearful of the institution. With marriage comes endless responsibilities and in India, they can be very very rigid. Not only are divorce and other marriage-related issues never openly discussed, for a woman to actually leave and find the acceptance is a gargantuan task. With my current relationship inching towards more and more seriousness, the inevitable question has already started giving me stress.
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Where my relationship stands
Any relationship is always looking for areas to grow and evolve. There’s a future for every couple. When you’re at that age of 26-27, already having dated someone for a few years, the bigger question of ‘where is this going’ starts looming. Even if you don’t want it to, even if you’re scared AF, there will be questions asked.
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With me as well, since I have been dating my boyfriend and it seems to be going well (touch wood), people around me, including my parents and his, have already started with the shaadi jokes and the dulhan checks. Can you not understand that I am petrified of ‘forever’?
Where does it stem from?
One of the reasons that I feel has contributed majorly to my fear of marriage is watching my own parents. Since, as a kid, they are the first example of love and companionship, it is very important that even if you’re facing problems as a couple, you ensure they are not completely in front of your kids. However, that was never addressed in my family as fights and quarrels were a regular affair from as far back as my memory stretches.
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Add to that, several other friends’ parents as well whom I saw growing up contributed as well. With my first relationship also turning toxic, the fear gradually consolidated itself fully. As a result, despite being in a healthy, happy relationship with someone I truly cherish, I am scared of the long-term commitment.
Not saying that I have not witnessed any happy couples or marriages, since they have been fewer in number, I am always convincing myself that they’re the exception, not the rule. Since marriage is meant to be ‘forever’, and my fears keep propping up here and there, I feel like I might be self-sabotaging the situation as a coping mechanism which is also wrong on its part.
Are there any other girls out there who feel the same way? Let me know in the comments below!
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