A perfectly happy relationship doesn’t exist.
It is an even bigger myth than the existence of unicorns and the downside of believing in it is a lifetime of disappointment. I am not coming from a place of bitterness or a “loved and lost” situation.
Love comes last but stays for long
Image credit: Still From Tamasha
If you’re someone who’s been in failed relationships before, you know that love comes last and takes the longest to leave. In my experience of relationships, they are first built on an undeniable attraction which could even be called lust. Then comes habit, which the couple forms together. Habits are followed by a pattern, which can also be called the soon-to-be exclusive couple’s ‘love language’, and then comes the actual love.
Somewhere between this flurry of new emotions and butterflies in the tummy, we find ourselves in a relationship. But where there are two people involved in a disagreement, an argument, and several fights are bound to follow.
And since we take it as natural to fight and even call it an ‘essential part of the relationship-building process’, issues are often brushed under the rug after fights are resolved. Relationships are just like that, where people love each other and love to hate each other. Even their dislike of each other is very personal.
There is no right or wrong way of being in a relationship
Everybody has their own moods and personalities coming into a shared arrangement like “love”. It is hard to tell how long it will last, but lovers like to put it all on the line to make things work. Take a real-life example of a friend, any friend! Because we all have that one person in our lives who is in a relationship, whom we keep begging to dump their partner. This certain friend has her share of ups and downs in a relationship and while all her fights might seem like the last fight, they always find a way back.
Image credit: Still From YJHD
Their cycle might seem toxic and problematic, but no matter how much you try to convince them to move on, they won’t. It is not their fault. This is their journey and they will have to complete it before they realise it is time to call it quits.
And that feeling, my friend, starts with losing out the love.
Falling out of love is a gradual process that can seem like a lifetime–one fight, one insecurity, one irritant at a time. But the bond a couple builds is never lost, the time and emotions they invest in each other is addictive. Truly, love is never lost. So how does one come out of a relationship despite everything working for them?
Loss of respect.
Loving and disliking the same person can be confusing
Image credit: Still From YJHD
While you might love the person deeply and care about them, you can also dislike them. Things that were said and done during the course of your relationship can wear you out and you can be left feeling sad and lonely. You might even think that you have your love, you have your partner and you have this relationship you built from the ground, but how come you’re feeling so lonely? This is the part when it dawns on you that you love this person, but you don’t like them anymore.
You want to see them happy, but together you both aren’t happy. You are rooting for them in every aspect of life, but you don’t see yourself standing next to them when they bear the fruit of their hard work. It is simple–you are in a space where walking out is hard and staying is even harder.
Breaking it to a partner who is not on the same page as you
Image credit: Still From YJHD
This becomes harder when you have to explain this to your partner who doesn’t understand where you’re coming from. They still see everything as normal and find you’re being overdramatic. They are not to be blamed either because they simply love you and still want to be with you. But I did it. The weakest person in love, in the entire universe, looked at her boyfriend of several years and said to him, “I love you, a lot, but I don’t like you anymore.” Some people say it to fix things, but I said it to ask to leave.
He didn’t understand me and said he’ll work on it. But I knew I was done. I wanted to walk away with this warm yet chaotic feeling in my heart that I was old enough to still have an amicable relationship with my boyfriend whom I don’t want to be with anymore.
Choosing to stay vs wanting to be free; every decision has its own heartbreak
Image credit: Still From YJHD
Take my word for it, this phase in a relationship is complex, tiring and exhausting. You fight yourself to choose a side–you either love him or you don’t. But sadly the choices aren’t this simple. Many have found a path to reconnect even after losing hope and many have lost their relationships even after trying their best.
In the end, I would still say love is magical and relationships ruin it.
Lead Image Credit: Still From YJHD/Karan Johar
