Love is not love, which alters when it alteration finds.
This is one of the most relatable Shakespeare quotes that has stuck with me over the years. How can we call our feelings ‘love’ if we are doubtful of them every time a situation changes?
The heart wants what the heart wants
Being a woman who has been in love with the idea of love more than “in love” itself, relationships have taken up a significant amount of space on my priority list. I wear my heart on my sleeve and since school have imagined all my partners to be “the one”. Four relationships later, now I’m just looking for a man I can adjust with and love at the same time. The search for my “one and only” has taken a backseat.
Coming to the present day, I currently face another dilemma.
I have been in a fairly happy relationship for the past three years. Both of us talk about the future, wanting to live together and maybe have cute little babies one day. However, this is all just talk and nothing else. He doesn’t seem to take a step forward and I feel like the entire relationship has become a huge drag.
Am I coaxing my boyfriend into forced adjustment or did he overpromise?
I discussed it with my mother, my best friend and even close colleagues, and they all think I am pushing him. In reality, I don’t see the relationship heading towards marriage, and despite our sparkling chemistry–there doesn’t seem to be any more love.
I never thought this could happen to me. I start a relationship and stay in it thinking it will last for a lifetime, till I’m dumped on my ass (three out of four times) and I go out in search of that same thing again, unaffected by my past experiences.
I guess this time the only thing that changed was age. I am done with my studies and have been working for a few years now and the next step in life (or at least it seems to me) is a lifelong commitment.
Maybe it is the wedding obsession, maybe it is hating the ambiguity
My being wedding obsessed is also not the reason for falling out of love with my current boyfriend. It is about experiencing stagnation and ambiguity surrounding the relationship. Do I really want to waste my time with a boy and then jump on to the next and date him for a few more years before thinking: “yes we can make it to the alter!”?
I, honestly, do get anxious during the cuffing season (September-October) and during the wedding season (November-February), and during the leftover months, I put myself in the bride’s shoes thinking of all things she would be worrying about and not just the next meal!
I haven’t broken the news of my latest revelation to my boy yet. Lucky for me he sticks to his morning paper and since I write online, our worlds will never clash and he would probably not know what I am thinking. Maybe we chart out a common route, maybe we part ways, but I don’t see myself backing down from this thought any time soon.
