Sitting in front of my therapist, I felt heard and calm. I had come back to her after good three years, but she was still the same person I had remembered her to be. The same sweet face, earthy baritone and curly salt and pepper hair.
Once my session ended, she mentioned Raghav, my friend (well, also my ex, but more of a friend now). She said he was making good progress and what a wonderful man he was. I was glad to hear that and told her that he was grateful I had recommended her to him.
The next week, at my second sitting, she spoke more about Raghav once our session ended and then hinted at something. If I read clearly between the lines, she said both of us should try and make it work again. “If you two see it and want it too,” she added at the end.
Here’s a little backdrop on Raghav and I
It all started four years ago. I was madly in love with a senior (read: Raghav) at college and dreamed of the day he would see me–and he did.
We were on a college trip to Europe and since only a handful of us enrolled, the group became thick pretty soon during that two week long trip. One thing led to the other and we were sneaking to each other’s room at night. But he was still stuck up on his ex.
We returned from that trip and what I thought was a whirlwind romance, actually lasted a whole month before he went back to his ex–Raghav’s classmate and my senior. This was four years ago and I took my sweet time moving on from that relationship. I think I should also mention that my dreamy lover boy gave our relationship a second chance once college got over and that stint too ended after two months. But good for us, we became genuine friends post that break up.
My ex and I are probably the only people who don’t see it…or maybe I’m lying to myself
Now, jump to the present, Raghav and I chilled at least twice a week. He picks me up from under my house when I sneak out and night. I take boy advice from him and he laments about his ex who got married to someone else after college got over.
We do hook up a couple of times (mostly when we are not seeing other people) and talk about how we’ll end up marrying each other at the end of the day because our significant others, who are sheer jerks and whom we madly love, will eventually leave.
But our shared therapist throwing this thought at my face made me awkward. What if she mentioned it to him too and what was his reaction? I might never bring this up with him because I recommended my therapist to him after he spiraled last year following a series of failures in his life. His work was crashing, his one true love was getting married and life at home was in shambles. I didn’t want him to think that even the therapist’s office is not a sacred haven for him
Did he tell her he wants me? Maybe loves me secretly?
But this thought is eating at me, what if he said something to her. I have talked to her about him and maybe he spoke about me. Is she even correct in suggesting to us what to do and what not to? I haven’t studied whatever she did, but I am sure that I would have been a true aunty acid if I were in her chair, so I better not teach her any better.
But if Raghav has confessed his feelings to her, then she won’t tell me. I am saying this because during my third sitting I tried to draw her into my charm and ask her–failed miserably.
This is now just something I wait to see unfold and pretend to act cool in front of Raghav till he brings it up, maybe.
