I am a 26-year-old Cancerian who is hyper-straight and pretty untouched. As per family traditions, I have passed the ideal age for marriage, i.e. 25 and since I hadn’t produced a prospective groom in front of my parents, they took it all upon themselves.
I was happy to let other people make the call for me, initially
In a way, I was happy that it wasn’t my headache to look for a ‘life partner’. I had been single all my life and someone needed to take the driver’s seat for it, even if it meant an arranged marriage. I have heard of a lot of successes and unique love stories stemming out of unions made over matchmaking portals.
My reasons were for not dating were different during different stages of life. When I was in school and dreamy, I had strict parents who monitored my interactions to a T. But that was no reason for boys not to ask me out if I completely ignored the fact that I had a pimpled face and braces for four years.
The time when I had to date, I was dodging
However, there was once a boy who had made a heart in the air and pointed towards me from his bus window. He was from the boys’ school next to our girls’ school. I wanted to say yes to him because that is what proposals meant back in eighth grade. I had to turn him down because back then my best friend had a huge crush on him and she started crying when he proposed to me instead. Two years later we found that he had placed a bet with his friends and he lost when I said no.
In college, my parents relaxed and I had friends who were boys, but I didn’t see them as boyfriend material. I liked older men who were mature, aloof, smart, suave, stable, and every fancy word I had ever read in school. My standards didn’t match the options I had in life. I was again left boyfriend-less throughout college life.
Then came postgrad, new place, old story. I just didn’t meet anyone ‘my type’. They all were my age and fun and stupid. I was looking for a Christian Grey amidst Darsheel Safaris. I would meet boys but friendzoned them so that they didn’t even imagine approaching me in any way except as a friend. This continued into my workplace as well.
With a marriage on the cards, I crave the intimacy couples in love have
Now that my marriage is fixed and I have found ‘the one’ with the help of family (and matrimonial sites), I am in a fix. The guy is great and everything, but it is not a romance story. He is not a partner who knows me in and out, he doesn’t act like my friends’ boyfriends, and he definitely doesn’t understand the concept of an arranged ‘love’ marriage where we need to build a bond and fall in love before marriage.
I wish I had felt all the things my friends felt before they get married, if they ever do. The butterflies and the everyday fights, and building an understanding through it all. Marriage makes people take relationships for granted and not everyone prioritizes building an understanding or chemistry. Maybe I am wrong about my fiancé, but then again I wouldn’t know because I don’t know him at all.
Other articles on love, partners and companionship:
Turning 25 As A Woman Who Has Never Dated Is The Reason For My Anxiety
Marriage Isn’t About True Love, It’s About Companionship
5 Things About “Happily Ever After” That Bollywood Never Talks About
