“Anxiety is love’s greatest killer. It makes others feel as you might when a drowning man holds on to you. You want to save him, but you know he will strangle you with his panic.” – Anaïs Nin
Since I have high anxiety issues, I can safely say that while the world may think on many occasions that I’ve simply lost the plot, my “disorder” has brought me to learn and understand more about myself than I ever would have known, had I been what they call, “normal.”
How? Well, I have had panic attacks and fear episodes that have left me with no alternative but to deep dive into my mind and soul, and rationalise everything–why this is occuring, how it’s all mind over matter, what triggers this off, how to control it, and everything else in between. Mind you, it’s no easy feat–but then again, no route to self-discovery is, is it?
How anxiety may affect relationships
When it comes to love and romance, those with anxiety know just what a hit the disorder takes on relationships. First, it’s hard enough to find a man who is willing to wrap his head around all the chaos, and secondly, just when he does, it’s difficult to watch him having to deal with the weird bouts of distress, misgivings, and skepticism that come with the territory.
Knowing that you’re responsible behind dishing out negativity of sorts, is never a good feeling; which makes the dating gaming even harder. Imagine having to deal with self-loathing, guilt, and of course the very demons that are the root cause of everything…only the thought is stressful, right? That’s our reality.
The contradictions, the confusions
Much like me, girls with anxiety like to put their love to the test. We’ll push you away and tell you we don’t want you–only to see if you care enough to break through those defense mechanisms. We put up the bravest front but when no one’s around, we’ll silently wish you defy us and resist the urge to jump ship.
Our minds are constantly ticking–over-thinking, imagining worst-case scenarios, and building up thoughts that can sometimes be beautifully daunting. I often feel like a complete paradox. I want to be happy, but I think of things that make me sad. I’m ambitious yet I’m always tired and drained, there are days when I’m completely in love with myself and there are those on which I despise myself, I say I don’t care but I really do, I crave attention but reject it when it comes my way – I’m topsy-turvy contradiction, but the great part is, I never pretend that I’m not.
So, what’s it like dating someone like me?
If a guy chooses to stick it out with a girl like me, looking past all the baggage, it can be one of the most emotionally fulfilling relationships they’ve had, and this is another thing I can say with conviction. You know why? Because girls like us are fierce and unstoppable. We are never truly at ease, and never the calm before the storm–we are the storm. We are fighters who will defend and protect what we love.
Getting into a relationship with a girl who suffers from anxiety is sure to be one hell of a ride. You get on with a brief sense of what you’re in for, mid-way, you’re taken by some twists and turns you’d never have predicted, you may even scream and throw up a little, and of course, curse yourself for getting on and pray for it to end soon. But once it’s done, you know that adrenaline rush and feeling of having conquered something you thought was impossible, which makes you want to do it all over again? Well, that’s what it’s like.
