Where does sexting end and sexual harassment begin? When comedian Utsav Chakraborty was called out for sending explicit images to women, he responded by saying that he was just sexting and “trying to get laid”.
We have called out bullshit on that multiple times, because consent is the line that separates pleasure from perversion. When done respectfully and with the recipient’s enthusiastic consent, sending and receiving erotic messages and pictures can truly be fun. As usual, you can trust the internet to guide the less experienced of the lot; but when you search ‘sexting’, about 1,85,00,000 results pop up. So how do you do it without offending the recipient and potentially inviting a lawsuit? Well, we’ve done the research and bring you the best lessons on sexting etiquette on the internet.
Establish consent
This is the best place to start your sexting. Queer portal Autostraddle has a list of lines that can help establish consent. Sample these: Can I tell you what I want to do when we see each other later?; or, Want to see what I’m wearing under my dress? A firm “Yes”, will take the guesswork out of the process, and you can dive in with confidence.
Do not take screenshots without permission
If you have been sent a nude on Snapchat or Cover Me, the sender expects the image to self-destruct after a few seconds. If you take a screenshot and save the image for later use, it is polite to let the person know. It will put them at ease and will keep the messages coming.
Do not get hung up on eloquence, but do proofread
You know that sexting is officially a part of the zeitgeist when CNN publishes a guide for parents to decode the NSFW texts they saw on their teen’s phone. Because sexting usually requires pace (that orgasm won’t wait for anybody), perhaps you need to brush up on all the sexting abbreviations and emojis. Read about how the kids are doing it here. Focus on the feeling, instead of fussing about using the best words. But do proofread for autocorrect mistakes. Because nothing spoils the mood like a jumble of words that you just can’t decode.
Master the voice note
Internet’s favourite sex positive agony aunt, Karley Sciortino, has a great tip for those of you who are afraid to send nudes. Once you have established that the other party is indeed in the mood for some dirty talk, send them a voice note. Sciortino’s fave sext: a voice memo of him cumming, and, after the moaning, him saying “Thinking of you.”
Lock your settings to ‘No Preview
This one is from Tina Horn’s ebook, Sexting: The Grown Up’s Little Book Of Sex Tips For Getting Dirty Digitally. You don’t want your boss, friends, or family seeing your sexts. To avoid mishaps of that sort, tap on the ‘no preview’ button right now.
